Eureka: A Story to do With Bathing
1. EXT./INT. LEONARD’S APARTMENT BUILDING - DUSK
LEONARD walks down the street carrying a grocery bag in each
hand. As he heads towards a tall apartment building, he veers
in it’s direction and enters the building.
SHERYL
Hiya Mr. Rumpshore! Back so soon?
Oh right, today’s Thursday! How
could I forget?
LEONARD
Hi Sheryl, good day to you.
SHERYL
And you too sir! Do you need any
help with your bags?
LEONARD
No thanks, I’ve got it under
control.
SHERYL
Alrighty then, you have a good end
to your day now.
LEONARD
Thanks Sheryl, same to you. Say hi
to the family.
Leonard continues his walk until he reaches the elevator.
BOOP. As he pushes the up-button, the doors of the elevator
open to embrace him.
2. INT. THIRD FLOOR OF APARTMENT BUILDING - DUSK
Leonard exits the elevator and walks down the corridor,
passing room B13 on his right. Once he reaches the end of the
corridor, he enters the second to last room on the left.
3. INT. LEONARD’S APARTMENT - DUSK
Beige walls and wide open spaces welcome us and Leonard into
his small apartment with minimal furbishing. Leonard places
his groceries on the table then walks towards his washroom.
The sound of running water is heard.
4. INT. LEONARD’S BATHROOM - DUSK
Leonard slowly enters his now-full bath. Picking up his bar
of soap, he begins to lather the soap in his right hand then
continues to spread the suds over his left arm. While
exchanging the soap from one hand to another, the bar falls
into the water, causing the suds to disperse in a diffusion
frenzy.
LEONARD
Woops.
Leonard reaches for the soap, but his arm does not respond.
He tries with his left, but that too fails.
LEONARD
Oh god..
Leonard attempts to reach for the soap once more but realizes
that not only have his arms become unresponsive. After
assessing the situation, he realizes his entire body has
become paralyzed.
5. INT. LEONARD’S BATHROOM - NIGHT
Leonard sits idly in his bathtub, slowly soaking up his own
filth.
LEONARD
Okay Leonard, let’s take some deep
breaths here…everything’s
fine…just, something’s,
different?
Leonard shifts his eyes back and forth, looking at the
different flowers that make up the bathroom wallpaper.
LEONARD
Alright, this is okay, this is
manageable. Someone’s bound to
knock on my door eventually…but
who?
Leonard profiles through the different people. A frown takes
form on his face.
LEONARD
I’m fucked.
(pause)
No. NO. I can’t die, not like this.
This can’t possibly be the end.
There’s so much left for me to do.
I haven’t even put away my new
groceries. Oh god, the milk’s going
to get warm. Damn it. Why can’t I
get into the habit of putting
things away as soon as I get them?
What a waste…that turkey would’ve
been delicious.
Any minute now, someone’s gonna’
come a knockin’ on my door, and
then everything’s going to be
alright. Hehe, I can see it now,
laughing back on this moment. “The
look on my face, you should’ve seen
it,” that’s what I’ll tell ‘em.
We’ll all laugh about it
together…over a nice pitcher of
beer. Mmm…I can taste it now.
Laughing nervously
LEONARD
Heh, I must’ve looked pretty silly
back there for a moment. Imagine
that; me, dying, like this. HA! I
haven’t even had my first cigarette
yet. Nah, there’s plenty more for
this man, this fighter. The boys
will have a hoot about this
tomorrow at the office.
Leonard’s continues to deny his situation, but his ill-fate
remains unaltered.
LEONARD
NO. This is stupid. This is dumb.
This isn’t how people die. This
isn’t tragic, it’s ridiculous! Why
should I have to die this way? Why
should I have to die today? Sure,
thousands of people die everyday,
but they’re a statistic. We need
those people to die of starvation
and poverty. How else can we
compare ourselves to be better than
them? I don’t deserve this. What
have I ever asked from anybody?
Nothing, not a single thing. When
Leonard had to get something done,
Leonard went out to do it. There
were no shortcuts, there were no
aids. Just me. ME ME ME. How thick
are these damn walls!? Hello?
HELLO!? CAN’T ANYBODY HEAR ME!?
Furious, Leonard wishes to exhibit his fury in a physical
form, but remembers that such is impossible, not to mention
the reason he’s upset in the first place.
LEONARD
Okay god, you win. You got me good.
Now c’mon, make that first
communion of mine count.
(Pause)
Please? Hello?
(Pause)
I knew you were nothing but
bullshit! Holy Trinity my ass! I
bet those Jews were right all
along. Hmm…what’s your name
again? Yaweh? Please? If you hear
me, let me speak. I know I haven’t
been a religious person, but that
was the Christian me. My god has
failed me and now I turn to you. I
don’t know what to promise you to
help me get out of this jam…I’ve
already been circumcised, I know
that’s big in your books. And
frankly, I’ve never been a huge fan
of pork, I can easily kick it out
of my diet. Maybe a ham sandwich
every now and then, but that’s it.
No, scratch that, I’ll do anything.
Please god, the god of my fathers;
Abraham, Isaac, and Newton…no
wait, that’s wrong. Damn, what was
his name…jay…started with a
jay…Ugh, I can’t remember now but
c’mon, it’s understandable. Look at
me, you can’t expect me to remember
every detail in this situation!
(Pause)
Muhammad? Are you there?
No god for Leonard, at least no god who shows remorse.
Leonard remains quiet for a moment, looking around at his
surrounding.
LEONARD
Why didn’t I ever change this
floral wallpaper? It’s rather
feminine. Come to think of it, I
never changed much, did I? No art,
no expensive chairs…how I could
go for a Lazy Boy right now. Have I
missed out on life? All that money
I’ve saved up, worthless now.
Countless years where I could’ve
pampered myself. I did get that
nice coffee machine from work…too
bad I never had anyone to share it
with. Should I have invited Sheryl
up for a cup one day?
Maybe…though her husband may have
taken it the wrong way. She was
awfully nice to me…definitely the
most cheerful part of my day. I
should’ve taken the time to answer
her with more emotion. Why was I
always in such a rush? I can’t even
remember now. Does that make it all
for-naught?
(Pause)
And what about that beaut from
B13…now there’s a venture that
went unnoticed. I wonder what she
did, always cooped up in that room
of hers. Maybe she was a scientist,
or an artist. Maybe I should’ve
bought a dog. Though there’s a lot
of hassle to do with a dog. Still,
a companion’s nice to have, even if
it doesn’t share your species. Too
late to care now.
Leonard tilts his neck backwards, leaning it against the hard
porcelain of the bathtub. Sigh.
LEONARD
Might as well enjoy the rest of it.
Leonard looks at his hands
LEONARD
Hmm…pruney.
Leonard is comfortable for the first time since he entered
the bath.
LEONARD
Well then, I guess that’s it. No
more surprises.
Slowly, a bubble creeps up from between Leonard’s legs and
makes its way up to the surface of the water where is
dissipates into the air. A pungent smell makes it’s way up to
Leonard’s nose.
LEONARD
Great.
