Broken Pattern

get your ass kicked by romance
put your heart out on the line
try not to fall in love
and you’ll see you do just fine

    ruby’s been dying forever. since the first day that I bought him, his sole purpose was to die.; whether it’d be in a week or a year was the question. eight or so days after his purchase, ruthless ruby was pitted against pudding power. for 2 and a half hours, the two bettas fought ruthlessly, until ruby came out as winner alpha leader. the next day pudding committed fishy suicide by jumping out of his bowl. the fight would be engraved in the minds of crowd’s 30′+ watchers.

    once I brought him home, watching ruby proved to be my sole way of anchoring my sanity when listening to the tech support playlists for hours on end, only to go no where. this went on for days. despite being beaten and bruised, ruby’s toughened demeanor didn’t affect the grace of his tails in swim. he was truly beautiful.

    eight months after his purchase, ruby almost died in a water changing accident. at that time I realized it had come time to purchase him a proper tank; 10 gallons, gravel, and a water filtration unit. never again would i have to worry about ruby’s death. he would live the rest of his fishy life.

    upon returning from camp the following year, something proved to be un-right with ruby. despite being a top floater fish, he was floating at the water’s surface more than usual. he continued like this, sometimes falling into graceful dives here and there, but soon such hopes proved fruitless.

    ruby’s swim bladder’s functionality continued to dwindle, disabling his ability to regulate float; that had been going on since i returned from camp the following year. at his worst, ruby hadn’t eaten in weeks, and was being pulled down by the water filter’s current, swimming up to the top, only to be dragged back down again. and yet I could never bring myself to kill him.

    on october 24th, 2008, ruby finally died, after months of struggle and with winter biting at the heels. a month before my 19th birthday, this heroic fish ended his majestic tale, resting in between the leaves of his plastic plant, much like he used to all of life. ruby’s dead now, swimming with the fishes in fishy heaven. you truly were a ruthless fighter, may you rest in peace as you well deserve.

the fantasy developed
in or through the minds recant
as memories once imagined
fade leaving them but scant

i knew tonight wed meet
as all parts did come asunder
now being all dispersed
could be categorized in number

as patterns be discovered
and the nornalcies come true
tonight i’d dream of someone
and that someone would be you

your eyes - they shine quite brightly
be them green in left or right in blue
your hair was dark in color
your image strong and true

so i choose you to remember
for in you there’s something more
i hope one day to find
standing right outside my door

    Teacher,
Did you ever, implore    That a student
                            Be smarter
                                Than you?
That despite, lack of years
    He has made up for it, through scholastics?

         But No,                        But of course!
Then why the fuck are            ME: i am,
    we at school?                                 that
                                                           teacher.

    I could write for hours about how much the new OPUS cards suck. Seriously, give me any amount of time and I can fill it up. I’ll tell you the story of how I finally got mine. It ends with me, literally dripping with sweat, as I ride the bus home, staring at a beaut, one letter short of beauty, in a beautiful yellow dress. Here’s how it began:
    The Friday before Labor Day I had gotten my brother to promise to drive me to get the horrid card. As far as I knew, if I wanted to continue buying fare at a reduced, student rate I had to stand in line and get it. Come Monday, the ride has fallen through and after a quick drop at good ol’ Dawson college I’m waiting in line at 2020 University having just been dropped off by my mother.
    Two and a half hours later I’m staring at the single cashier work the hundreds of sheep as less than half of the photo booths have workers in them. Not only is the city forcing 3 million people to stand in line, I thought, they’re forcing them to wait because they’re too cheap to get the full service required to make the switch sensible. I was amused when the photographer asked me to smile.
    Leaving school, I finally ran into the oh-so-mentioned opus atm, only to find it was out of order. The future seemed dim. After the purchase of a blueberry drink at the local metro-mart, I had the necessary funds to “buy” the bus pass. And so, it seemed the journey was over.
    Only to find myself stilled crammed in a bus-full of heated zombies, asking myself why were waiting in line for change when we need more buses..reorganize those priorities. By the time I got a seat, and after being slept on for two brief moments, in walked the lady clad in yellow. As sweat dripped off my face into my sketchbook, I drew of melting ice cubes and popsicles. Depression is the plague of the 21st century.

    It’s amazing that something so delicate could turn into something so fierce. I’m talking, of course, about women. Never has man seen such wrath and anguish than that encompassed in the female body. As men, we’re used to constant beatings back and forth, suppressing the weak and glorifying the strong, however, when women enter the battle field the war changes dramatically. No longer are the feats measured in strength, but rather in secrets held. Women will happily release the deepest, darkest secrets they’ve kept buried, locked away inside their mind. In one swift sentence, they can destroy a year’s worth of work, or a lifetime of sanity.

    Women and casinos are one in the same. You start by bringing your friend along, to watch your back and make sure you don’t spend, or lose, all your chips. The outside is always inviting, bright lights and decor galore, but once you enter, the fragile welcoming becomes a light show, and try as you may, there’s no turning back. Quickly, you scan every playable table, any game where you think you may have the upper hand, ever knowing that the casino will win in the end. You may win a few, but you’ll lose more, but as long as you have your chips you can play again. That is, until you rid your pockets of all your belongings, turn to see your friend has left you long ago, as you’re forced to walk out of the casino, saddened and shamed. As you turn back to say one last goodbye, the bright lights tease you once more as men walk in and out carrying suitcases full of bills. No mercy, no pity.

    I miss the days when people knew how to socialize. They’re the fairy tales that I’ve been forced to dream about. Obviously you have to blame technology, in part, for the way things are now. We’re used to talking to each other through electronic text more than actual conversation. That’s why we find ourselves at a stand-off of silence when two people meet for the first time, or even the hundredth. Why is it that we can talk for hours as long as it involves virtual hours when talking face to face is so hard to do?

    I’d love to be able to walk up to someone and say hi, this is my name, now tell me about yourself, but even when I do they have nothing to say. I’ve coined Conversation Manipulation, which is an act whereby an individual can force and produce conversation amongst a party of people and command the conversation to not only drive it in the direction he/she wants, but can also supply the catalysts to receive the responses he/she desires. The problem is, after years or months of use, it gets boring and trivial. You can only play puppeteer for so long.

    So where are we at? Stale mate. I’m too tired to do the same old shit I’m used to doing, and no ones coming out of the woods to show me anything new. The only thing I can look forward to is when they start installing usb drives into people. Maybe once that happens we can communicate electronically amongst ourselves, or maybe some software company will develop a program to put social back into socialize.

               1. EXT./INT. LEONARD’S APARTMENT BUILDING - DUSK

               LEONARD walks down the street carrying a grocery bag in each

               hand. As he heads towards a tall apartment building, he veers

               in it’s direction and enters the building.

                                   SHERYL

                         Hiya Mr. Rumpshore! Back so soon?

                         Oh right, today’s Thursday! How

                         could I forget?

                                   LEONARD

                         Hi Sheryl, good day to you.

                                   SHERYL

                         And you too sir! Do you need any

                         help with your bags?

                                   LEONARD

                         No thanks, I’ve got it under

                         control.

                                   SHERYL

                         Alrighty then, you have a good end

                         to your day now.

                                   LEONARD

                         Thanks Sheryl, same to you. Say hi

                         to the family.

               Leonard continues his walk until he reaches the elevator.

               BOOP. As he pushes the up-button, the doors of the elevator

               open to embrace him.

               2. INT. THIRD FLOOR OF APARTMENT BUILDING - DUSK

               Leonard exits the elevator and walks down the corridor,

               passing room B13 on his right. Once he reaches the end of the

               corridor, he enters the second to last room on the left.

               3. INT. LEONARD’S APARTMENT - DUSK

               Beige walls and wide open spaces welcome us and Leonard into

               his small apartment with minimal furbishing. Leonard places

               his groceries on the table then walks towards his washroom.

               The sound of running water is heard.

               4. INT. LEONARD’S BATHROOM - DUSK

               Leonard slowly enters his now-full bath. Picking up his bar

               of soap, he begins to lather the soap in his right hand then

               continues to spread the suds over his left arm. While

               exchanging the soap from one hand to another, the bar falls

               into the water, causing the suds to disperse in a diffusion

               frenzy.

                                   LEONARD

                         Woops.

               Leonard reaches for the soap, but his arm does not respond.

               He tries with his left, but that too fails.

                                   LEONARD

                         Oh god..

               Leonard attempts to reach for the soap once more but realizes

               that not only have his arms become unresponsive. After

               assessing the situation, he realizes his entire body has

               become paralyzed.

               5. INT. LEONARD’S BATHROOM - NIGHT

               Leonard sits idly in his bathtub, slowly soaking up his own

               filth.

                                   LEONARD

                         Okay Leonard, let’s take some deep

                         breaths here…everything’s

                         fine…just, something’s,

                         different?

               Leonard shifts his eyes back and forth, looking at the

               different flowers that make up the bathroom wallpaper.

                                   LEONARD

                         Alright, this is okay, this is

                         manageable. Someone’s bound to

                         knock on my door eventually…but

                         who?

               Leonard profiles through the different people.  A frown takes

               form on his face.

                                   LEONARD

                         I’m fucked.

                             (pause)

                         No. NO. I can’t die, not like this.

                         This can’t possibly be the end.

                         There’s so much left for me to do.

                         I haven’t even put away my new

                         groceries. Oh god, the milk’s going

                         to get warm. Damn it. Why can’t I

                         get into the habit of putting

                         things away as soon as I get them?

                         What a waste…that turkey would’ve

                         been delicious.

                         Any minute now, someone’s gonna’

                         come a knockin’ on my door, and

                         then everything’s going to be

                         alright. Hehe, I can see it now,

                         laughing back on this moment. “The

                         look on my face, you should’ve seen

                         it,” that’s what I’ll tell ‘em.

                         We’ll all laugh about it

                         together…over a nice pitcher of

                         beer. Mmm…I can taste it now.

               Laughing nervously

                                   LEONARD

                         Heh, I must’ve looked pretty silly

                         back there for a moment. Imagine

                         that; me, dying, like this. HA! I

                         haven’t even had my first cigarette

                         yet. Nah, there’s plenty more for

                         this man, this fighter. The boys

                         will have a hoot about this

                         tomorrow at the office.

               Leonard’s continues to deny his situation, but his ill-fate

               remains unaltered.

                                   LEONARD

                         NO. This is stupid. This is dumb.

                         This isn’t how people die. This

                         isn’t tragic, it’s ridiculous! Why

                         should I have to die this way? Why

                         should I have to die today? Sure,

                         thousands of people die everyday,

                         but they’re a statistic. We need

                         those people to die of starvation

                         and poverty. How else can we

                         compare ourselves to be better than

                         them? I don’t deserve this. What

                         have I ever asked from anybody?

                         Nothing, not a single thing. When

                         Leonard had to get something done,

                         Leonard went out to do it. There

                         were no shortcuts, there were no

                         aids. Just me. ME ME ME. How thick

                         are these damn walls!? Hello?

                         HELLO!? CAN’T ANYBODY HEAR ME!?

               Furious, Leonard wishes to exhibit his fury in a physical

               form, but remembers that such is impossible, not to mention

               the reason he’s upset in the first place.

                                   LEONARD

                         Okay god, you win. You got me good.

                         Now c’mon, make that first

                         communion of mine count.

                             (Pause)

                         Please? Hello?

                             (Pause)

                         I knew  you were nothing but

                         bullshit! Holy Trinity my ass! I

                         bet those Jews were right all

                         along. Hmm…what’s your name

                         again? Yaweh? Please? If you hear

                         me, let me speak. I know I haven’t

                         been a religious person, but that

                         was the Christian me. My god has

                         failed me and now I turn to you. I

                         don’t know what to promise you to

                         help me get out of this jam…I’ve

                         already been circumcised, I know

                         that’s big in your books. And

                         frankly, I’ve never been a huge fan

                         of pork, I can easily kick it out

                         of my diet. Maybe a ham sandwich

                         every now and then, but that’s it.

                         No, scratch that, I’ll do anything.

                         Please god, the god of my fathers;

                         Abraham, Isaac, and Newton…no

                         wait, that’s wrong. Damn, what was

                         his name…jay…started with a

                         jay…Ugh, I can’t remember now but

                         c’mon, it’s understandable. Look at

                         me, you can’t expect me to remember

                         every detail in this situation!

                             (Pause)

                         Muhammad? Are you there?

               No god for Leonard, at least no god who shows remorse.

               Leonard remains quiet for a moment, looking around at his

               surrounding.

                                   LEONARD

                         Why didn’t I ever change this

                         floral wallpaper? It’s rather

                         feminine. Come to think of it, I

                         never changed much, did I? No art,

                         no expensive chairs…how I could

                         go for a Lazy Boy right now. Have I

                         missed out on life? All that money

                         I’ve saved up, worthless now.

                         Countless years where I could’ve

                         pampered myself. I did get that

                         nice coffee machine from work…too

                         bad I never had anyone to share it

                         with. Should I have invited Sheryl

                         up for a cup one day?

                         Maybe…though her husband may have

                         taken it the wrong way. She was

                         awfully nice to me…definitely the

                         most cheerful part of my day. I

                         should’ve taken the time to answer

                         her with more emotion. Why was I

                         always in such a rush? I can’t even

                         remember now. Does that make it all

                         for-naught?

                             (Pause)

                         And what about that beaut from

                         B13…now there’s a venture that

                         went unnoticed. I wonder what she

                         did, always cooped up in that room

                         of hers. Maybe she was a scientist,

                         or an artist. Maybe I should’ve

                         bought a dog. Though there’s a lot

                         of hassle to do with a dog. Still,

                         a companion’s nice to have, even if

                         it doesn’t share your species. Too

                         late to care now.

               Leonard tilts his neck backwards, leaning it against the hard

               porcelain of the bathtub. Sigh.

                                   LEONARD

                         Might as well enjoy the rest of it.

               Leonard looks at his hands

                                   LEONARD

                         Hmm…pruney.

               Leonard is comfortable for the first time since he entered

               the bath.

                                   LEONARD

                         Well then, I guess that’s it. No

                         more surprises.

               Slowly, a bubble creeps up from between Leonard’s legs and

               makes its way up to the surface of the water where is

               dissipates into the air. A pungent smell makes it’s way up to

               Leonard’s nose.

                                   LEONARD

                         Great.

LEONARD RUMPSHORE is a loser; a character with no redeeming features or any heroic values, and no reason to be sympathized with. He lives an honest, mundane life, working six days a week selling refrigerators through a telemarketing agency. At forty-eight-years-old his life has turned into a cycle more than anything else. Every Tuesday Leonard works a half day so that he can do his grocery shopping and comes home early to take his weekly bath, as opposed to his daily shower during the other days.
Today is Leonard’s day; the day that will define him as a man, the day where he will find true meaning in his life, the day he will die. As he enters his apartment, he passes by SHERYL; a somewhat obese woman who always wears a smile as well as a flowery dress. Being the landlady, she always wishes Lenny a happy return, to which he replies politely but never enthusiastically.
Grocery bags in hand, Leonard walks past apartment B13, home to the most attractive girl in Leonard’s life; she’s not necessarily beautiful, but she looks wonders when compared to Sheryl, the only other female Lenny’s sees on a regular basis. Passing by her place he overhears her talking on the phone and continues to walk towards his room at the end of the corridor, second to last door on the right hand side.
Once inside, Leonard places the bags on the kitchen counter and heads towards the bathroom. He runs the bath, making sure the water is the right temperature; an act he continues to repeat futilely since he is never truly satisfied with the end temperature once the tub is full. Once the water reaches a satisfying height, Leonard disrobes and enters the bath; left foot first, like usual.
He begins his bathing process like usual, lathering the soap in his right hand then spreading the suds over his left arm. As he motions to exchange the soap from one hand to the other, something goes wary and the soap falls into the water, dispersing its suds in a diffusion frenzy. Leonard attempts to pick up the soap but soon finds that his arms are not responding. Slowly becoming frightened, he soon realizes that not only his arms, but his torso, abdomen and legs have all become paralyzed. Dumbfounded by the situation, Leonard had nothing to do but shift his eyes back and forth assessing the situation: he’s fucked.
Leonard, never being the kind of man to get particularly excited about anything finds himself at the end of his line, waiting an imminent death in a pool of his own filth. Realizing he has no choice but to die, and having nothing better to do with his time, Lenny commences his final monologue. First he goes through denial, trying to convince himself that he can’t possibly be facing his death. How can he? He’s never smoked a cigarette. (He had been offered countless times when he was younger, but fearing a premature death he always chose the safe route of keeping his lungs clean.)
Following that Leonard becomes angry at the world. All his life he’s kept to himself, why should he deserve such a miserable fate? Sure, thousands of people die every day due to illness and poverty, but he? Leonard never asked for anything from anyone. He’s lived his life in solitude; when he needed something, he got it. When something had to be done, he’d do it himself.
Once his anger passes, Leonard looks to god. Watching his Christian life slowly drain away, he tries to convert to Judaism, Islam, and even Buddhism, hoping that some deity will look down upon him. He promises each religion that if saved he’ll spread the word of their faith. Realizing no supernatural force is going to lend him a helping hand, Leonard begins to go through a state of depression.
Looking around his bathroom, he becomes bored of the surrounding. He wonders to himself why he never changed the flower wallpaper..He goes on to imagine the rest of his apartment: no art, no expensive chairs, just the furniture that came with the place years ago, some cutlery and a coffee machine he received as a gift from work. Leonard realizes how empty his life is. Maybe he should’ve answered Sheryl’s welcomes with more emotion, maybe he should’ve knocked on B13’s door to see what is was like inside. Maybe he should’ve bought a dog. Who cares now, it’s too late.
With that, Leonard accepts his fate, as he tilts his neck slightly backwards to rest his head on the porcelain rim of the tub. He let’s loose a sigh and decides to enjoy the rest of the bath, despite the fact that he has no feeling in his body. He looks down at his hands, fingers slowly pruning, and decides that he’s ready for what comes next. There’s no more surprises. Slowly, a bubble creeps up from between his legs and makes its way up to the surface of the water where is dissipates into the air. A pungent smell makes it’s way up to Leonard’s nose. “Great.”

—

Character Sketch

LEONARD RUMPSHORE: Leonard’s not like you or me. He knows that he’s boring, he knows that he lives his life the same way that billions of other people live theirs. There no grand secret to Lenny, no defining power or prowess. The man sells refrigerators over the phone, a job that allows little to no room for making new acquaintances. He lives a solitary life in his generic apartment, furbished with the necessities and nothing more, save a coffee machine given to him from his business for having sold the company’s three-hundredth fridge of the year.
Leonard decided several years ago to stop setting goals for himself. Once he reached the age of forty, he realized he had been living the same cycle for the past twenty years. Why should he change now? He’s lead a good life, no? Although unsure, he’s comfortable with his situation.
The only real people in Leonard’s life is his landlady, Sheryl, and a woman who lives in a room up the hall. Although he never engages in actual conversation with either of them, they’ve made a deep enough impact in his life to merit mention in his final minutes.

SHERYL: Sheryl leads an amazing life. Despite being obese and having no sense of fashion whatsoever, she has not only found herself a mate to share her life with but someone who was willing to copulate with her as well. She wakes up every day with a smile on her face, and happily walks over to the rooms of her two young children, a daughter and a son, to wake them up with a soft kiss on the forehead. Following that, she heads to the kitchen to prepare a full breakfast, the smell of which wakes up her husband.
The two of them met in high school where Sheryl was often made fun of by the pretty girls. But Sheryl was and still is a strong character and she never let those girls crush her spirit. When they’d make fun of her and call her names she’d happily punch them in the face and repeatedly destroy the pretty nose that daddy had bought them. Harold, her soon to be boyfriend and later to-be husband, saw the confidence and strength of her character and instantly fell in love.

GIRL FROM B13: Methilde is a serial killer, which is why she often keeps to herself and rarely ventures too far from her apartment. When she was young she used to drown stray cats in bathtubs. Her parents were of aristocratic background and so feared being titled “the parents of that crazy child”. Instead of sending their child to a psychiatrist to gain help, they decided to send her off to her estrange aunt. Her parents dropped her off at the bus stop then took off, never to hear or speak to their daughter again. Methilde, being as crazy as she was coupled with not wanting to take an eight hour bus ride, simply walked away from the station and took her life into her own hands. Eventually she started killing people and the rest is history.

BATH/LEONARD RUMPSHORE (ANTAGONIST): Though the bath is Leonard’s most apparent adversary, he is his own downfall. Leonard led a simple life that never amounted anything. He never required the company for anyone else; had he, someone would have been in his apartment room to help him out of his predicament. Leonard never cared for anything, and so his life slowly turned into a mindless cycle, one that he never cared to break from, nor could he if he tried.

    I take it back. Valentine’s Day isn’t about all the bullshit about being in love and giving gifts, be them sexual or chocolate, though both are delicious. No, Valentine’s Day is about the idea of love. Giving roses back and forth doesn’t mean “I’m gonna plow you hard tonight”, it means “I love you”, be it a friend, a lover, or even someone you just met. The Beatles had it right with all you need. The day is to let those around you know how you care and appreciate them.
    Today I had the greatest Valentine’s thus far, despite the fact that I sought out to destroy the holiday. I may have lost my lunch date to her actual boyfriend and failed to enter the museum for a needed school report, but by 5:20pm I was bright eyed and cheery. People, some of whom I least expected, showered me with gifts or praise and forced a smile upon my face. Today’s not about sex, it’s about friends. Of course, if you’re really lucky, the two are one in the same.